cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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