remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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