apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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