u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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