if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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