I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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