you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
