Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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