Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
