she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
