the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
