Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is the high leading the old right now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In other news, I just burned my penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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