My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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