sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
