Jerry, you need to find god
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
