I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All the doctor said was why
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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