people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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