So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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