I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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