I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
