How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
