wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
