I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You were trust falling into bushes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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