May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
