I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
