Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can I color on your dick again?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
