We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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