I just saw a hot homeless man
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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