if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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