Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
