just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
