You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
