Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
