Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
