Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
