I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
