If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
