When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
