she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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