MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
