Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
