I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
