we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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