I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
