I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
