No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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