my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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