My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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