I puked a lego.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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