I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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